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Why do Step Kids not like their Step Parent?

• They feel disloyal to their biological parent
  
  
• They don’t know if there is enough love for everyone
  
  
• Realistic Expectations:
  
  • Don’t expect to be accepted immediately
  • Don’t expect that you will love these kids
  • Don’t expect that you can solve all the problems
    
    
• Jealousy:
  
  • The Step Kids will be jealous of you
  • You may be jealous of the kids & the relationship your partner has with them; there may be competition for the spouse’s attention
    
    
• The Intruder:
  
  • The Step Parent may be seen as an intruder into the family, which may create jealousy and territory disputes.
  • Remember –What kids want is for the original family to be reunited and everyone to live happily ever after.
    
    
• Discipline and Love:
  
  • The Step Parent wants the child(ren) to love them, however this relationship may take years to develop
  • Remember your own children don’t love you all the time either
  • The Step Parent has the right to discipline; you will be one of the series of disciplinarians in their life
    
  • Partners should have a united front when it comes to discipline
  • If the Step Parent can’t discipline they may feel powerless
    
    
• Step Parent Guilt:
  
  • It’s ok – you don’t have to love the stepchildren the way you do your own children
    
    
• Primary Relationship in any family…
  
  • Is the love relationship between the adults
  • If this relationship is cohesive & happy then the kids will adjust more easily
    
    
• The Absentee Parent:
  
  • Realize you cannot change the other parent
  • The child will both idealize the absentee parent and have a natural rage and anger toward that parent
  • Often the anger and rage of the child gets directed at the step parent or the other biological parent
  • Helping the child grieve the loss the loss of the absentee parent may help
    
    
• Remember:
  
  • Be honest in your feelings
  • Establishing a relationship takes time

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