Defining Discipline
Discipline is not the same as punishment. Most parent educators define discipline in a manner consistent with its Greek/Latin origin . . . that is, discipline is considered a teaching process or procedure wherein parents teach children what is acceptable and what is unacceptable behavior.
The Goal or Purpose of Parental Discipline
The purpose of discipline is to teach our children self-control or self-discipline, without crushing his or her natural enthusiasm or self-esteem. In the end, if our discipline efforts are successful, children should be able to distinguish between acceptable and unacceptable behavior themselves. Consequently, they should also be able to make choices that are positive and that keep them safe from harm and out of trouble.
Three Parenting Styles
1. Authoritarian (AKA: The Brick Wall Parent): This type of parent essentially gives his/her children the message: “It’s my way or the highway!”
2. Permissive: (AKA: The Jellyfish Parent): This parent type lets the children decide for themselves: “Honey, would you like broccoli or ice cream for dinner?”
3. Authoritative: (AKA: The Backbone Parent): This parent type uses a mix of authority and limit-setting along with a democratic style: “When you finish picking up your room, you can go out and play with your friends . . . that means you can go sooner or later, depending upon your choice.”
Explore the parenting style you experienced and your own tendencies for parenting your children.
How to Stay in the Middle
- Get curious, not furious (in other words, try to understand the purpose underlying your child’s behavior)
- Planned parenting is almost always better than reactive parenting. Think about a time when you made a plan for dealing with your child’s misbehavior and were able to carry it out successfully.
- Develop strategies for managing your stress and enhancing your patience. Children are not always aware of or sympathetic to our stress level and they certainly are not operating on the same time clock as we are.
Why Children Misbehave (or why they behave in ways that drive us nuts).
Common reasons for children’s misbehavior include:
Hunger
Fatigue
Pain or discomfort
Desiring attention
Desiring power/control
Desiring revenge
Learned responses to parental behavior patterns
Temperament and personality
Age and developmental stage
Expressions of negative feelings
Homework: This week, the purpose of your homework is to raise your consciousness or awareness. You have two tasks.
Try to become very conscious of ways your child behaves that please you and how you respond to those pleasing or desirable behaviors.
Also, try to become very conscious of ways your child behaves that you find troublesome and how you respond to those troubling or undesirable behaviors.
A Basic Plan for Limit-Setting
- Identify with your child what behaviors are unacceptable.
- Identify with your child what consequences are likely if an unacceptable behavior occurs.
- Tell your child that whenever the unacceptable behavior occurs, he/she will receive either a warning or a consequence.
- Work the program.
